How to help special needs families enjoy holidays

As a mom of two adults with autism, I can tell you holidays can sometimes seem very lonely. While other families are talking about parties and shopping and special events, special needs families are often at home. It’s just easier that way.

Our family is one of the lucky ones. Our family understands Casey and Rob and their needs and is very accepting of them. They always have been, but there were times when the kids were little that it seemed everyone else had big, exciting plans in December and we didn’t.

It was hard balancing the needs of Casey and Rob with the needs of their sister Mandy. She deserved to be out experiencing everything, not tied to home because being in crowds was too much for them. Now we are able to try new things, and it’s just amazing. We adapt experiences to fit their needs, and we all have fun. For many families, it’s still not possible.

If, like many people, you aren’t sure what to do to help a family with autism or other disability enjoy the holidays, here’s a list of possible things you can try.

If you want to buy a gift, buy what the person likes. It seems simple enough, but many adults with autism like things that are more child-like. Casey loves "Sesame Street" and color-by-number coloring books. Rob loves LEGOs and train sets. That’s what Santa brings them — and be very careful not to ruin the secret of Santa!

Invite them to your parties. Again, it seems simple enough, but when families have to say “no” so often, the invitations stop coming — even when they are finally able to try new places. Just invite them. When you do, be understanding if they bring their own snacks or if someone is wearing headphones. Turn down the music and don’t use air fresheners with strong scents. You could even provide a quiet corner for the person with autism to go to and be comfortable.

Maybe you could offer to go to a light display with them. You can be an extra set of eyes or hands. You don’t need to be an expert about whatever disability the family deals with; you just need to care enough to be there with them. Even if they have to leave soon after you get there, the fact you made an effort to enjoy an event with them will mean so much.

Treat the person with a disability like everyone else. Say hi. Offer them a drink or a snack. Ask about their favorite toy or movie. Even if the person can’t answer you, they will remember you made an effort. Rob is especially good at reading people, and anyone who talks to him with respect and kindness is someone he will remember. Maybe the next time you see the person, you will get a smile or a wave.

Almost everything with autism is in baby steps, and those baby steps are huge to the family. I still get tears thinking about the people who genuinely make an effort to include Casey and Rob. Even if neither of them respond to the person, it makes me feel so good that an attempt was made to talk to them.

You can make holidays special for families like mine. All you need to do is include us. Treat Casey and Rob like you would anyone else. Understand if we have to adapt plans to fit their needs. Just be kind.