How can I get my doctors to listen better? I just turned 78, and over the past few years, I feel more and more dismissed by my doctors. I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way. Any suggestions?
Dissatisfied Patient
Dear Dissatisfied,
Communication difficulties between patients and their doctors are nothing new. Many older patients feel like their doctors are dismissing their concerns, which can be frustrating and lead to missed diagnoses and delayed care. If you believe your doctor isn’t listening to you, here are some tips offered by the National Institute on Aging that may help:
Prepare for your appointment
Before your exam, make a written prioritized list of any questions and concerns you want to discuss with your doctor or print any online health research you’ve gathered and bring it to your appointment so you won’t forget anything. If you’re in for a diagnostic visit, you should prepare a detailed description of your symptoms, when they began and what makes them worse.
Be honest and upfront
Even if the topic seems sensitive or embarrassing, it’s important to be honest and upfront with your doctor. You may feel uncomfortable talking about memory loss or bowel issues, but these are all important to your health. It’s better to be thorough and share detailed information than to be quiet or shy about what you’re thinking or feeling. Remember your doctor is used to talking about all kinds of personal matters.
Ask specific questions
If you and your doctor aren’t communicating well, ask specific questions that require a response. For example: What might have caused the problem I’m dealing with? What’s the specific name of my diagnosis? Is the problem serious? Will it heal completely or require ongoing management? What future symptoms might suggest I need emergency care or a follow-up visit? When and how will I receive my test results? If you don’t understand something, don’t hesitate to ask: Can you explain that in simpler terms? Can you give me more details about that?
Take someone with you
Bring along a family member or friend to your appointment. Your companion can help you ask questions or raise concerns you hadn’t considered and listen to what the doctor is telling you and give you support.
Be persistent
If your doctor isn’t addressing your questions, repeat them or rephrase them. If you still don’t get anywhere, follow up with one of these statements:
“I’m worried that we aren’t communicating well. Here’s why I feel that way.”
“I need to talk with you about X. I feel like I can’t. Can we talk about this?”
After your appointment, if you’re uncertain about any instructions or have other questions, call or email your health care provider. Don’t wait until your next visit to make sure you understand your diagnosis, treatment plan or anything else that might affect your health.
For more tips the National Institute on Aging offers a free booklet called “Talking with Your Doctor: A Guide for Older Adults” that can help you prepare for an appointment and become a better and more informed patient. To order a free copy or see it online, visit order.nia.nih.gov/publication/talking-with-your-doctor-a-guide-for-older-adults.
