Brenly family finds hope after loss

Mandy Brenly shares her motherhood story of loss and hope.

I had absolutely no interest in being a mom until my husband Cory and I were in our 30s. Kids are loud and unpredictable, and I love my sleep, so I was surprised when we both changed our minds about becoming parents.

We were thrilled when we found out in April 2021 that we were expecting our first baby. He was due at Christmas. While I was absolutely miserable for the whole pregnancy, we couldn't have been more excited about Raylan Mack Brenly becoming part of our family.

That October we got the devastating news he no longer had a heartbeat. Since I had lost so much blood, I had to be put under general anesthesia for the C-section. Raylan was born silent at 12:10 a.m. Oct. 5, 2021. He was 2 pounds, 15 ounces of perfection. I would have given anything to bring him home.

Exactly one year later, our rainbow baby Rosalyn Jade Brenly was born. I could see her big brother in her face, and I know he sent her to us. She's fierce, independent and hilarious — a force to be reckoned with. Being her mom is exhausting, but I know she is going to do amazing things in her life. She already has.

She brought joy back into our world after losing Raylan took so much from us. Being a loss mom is a difficult journey, and I still have to remind myself to take things day by day and grant myself some grace. The mom guilt is suffocating at times, and I worry I'm not enough for Rosie, but when she was blowing bubbles last night, she told me she was sending them to Raylan and that he would love popping them.

I knew I was doing something right, at least part of the time. While losing Raylan changed me completely, I find comfort in doing things for others in his name and even more comfort in showing Rosie ways to remember Raylan.