Unexpected bacon discovery leads to family kitchen humor

Kristin and I had presumed we would come out of a full week of babysitting our grandkids with a story or two, but we never quite knew from what corner those stories might come running. We learned early on to keep our guard up.

Several days into our stint, I declared at breakfast time that our evening meal would be “Papa’s Choice” as a way to break the steady rotation of chicken nuggets and mac-and-cheese, which had dominated the menu when the boys were given the call. Ten hours later, I stood in front of the oven with a frozen pizza in hand.

In my own house it’s always worthwhile protocol to check the oven before dialing up “preheat,” just to make sure someone hasn’t left half of a birthday cake (yes, this has happened) or a cast-iron pan of cornbread (this happens regularly) in the cooking cabinet to keep the pets from snatching it off the countertop. Following the same practice in my son-in-law’s kitchen, I found not only a cache of stone cookware but also, and much more uniquely, an unopened two-pound package of premium, thick-cut, cherrywood-smoked bacon.

“What do you suppose this is about?” I asked Kristin, hefting the package to highlight its limp, room-temperature flaccidity.

“Seriously? You found that in the OVEN?” she exclaimed.

“Yah, seriously,” I said. “You don’t suppose it’s one of those weird ‘New England’ things that Andrew does, do you? You know, like using a toaster oven to simply make toast, or ordering ‘a soda’ at the restaurant rather than just asking for a pop like a normal person?”

“Wait, you think New Englanders store their bacon in the oven rather than in the fridge?” Kristin said. “That’s just gross! No, I think it’s just an honest mistake. Just throw it out.”

“Mistake or not, this is a hefty bunch of bacon, and it’s not the cheap stuff either,” I said, setting the package aside. “Write to Charlotte quick and ask her about it.”

If she responded, I never saw it, and life carried on apace. It was dinner time, and the kids were already howling. Time to get that pizza going, and I had side dishes to prep and baby bottles to wash. One thing led to another, and the situation was soon forgotten and probably would have remained so if not for a message a full week later.

Charlotte and Andrew had been home for five days when I got a text.

“Dad, why did you put the bacon you found in the oven up on top of the fridge?”

I suddenly remembered! In my haste to clear oven space, and while still unwilling to ditch a $20 package of bacon without a full explanation of the circumstances, I’d set the stuff on top of the fridge and gone about my business.

“It’s an Ohio thing,” I responded. “Andrew probably wouldn’t understand.”

“We think it’s an old guy thing,” she wrote back. “Unfortunately, he understands more than you know!”

Kristin and John Lorson would love to hear from you. Write Drawing Laughter, P.O. Box 170, Fredericksburg, OH 44627, or email John at jlorson@alonovus.com.