Living in a culture of estrangement

Please believe me when I say I don’t mean to be melodramatic, but there is a crisis in America. It’s not a crisis that is brewing or even on the horizon; it is already here. I’m talking about the crisis of unprovoked and, in some cases, desired estrangement of adult children from their parents.

Why are so many cutting off communication with aging parents and choosing to become strangers? As a pastor, I hear about it happening in our churches and the community at large. Nationally, it is the subject of TV news segments, podcasts and printed publications.

Estrangement is a strong word for being “kicked to the curb,” “thrown under the bus” or “put out to pasture.” No matter which words you prefer, the sense of betrayal is real. Some sociologists estimate that nearly 25% of adults ages 25-45 have severed ties with their parents. In many cases, those affected say they don’t understand what went wrong. It is not always a matter of abuse or neglect. Sometimes, differences in beliefs, values or lifestyles play a role.

I understand there is such a thing as boundaries, but at times, that can become a reason to avoid the hard work of maintaining or repairing relationships.

The Bible is not silent on estrangement. King David wrote in Psalm 41, “Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.” Ancient Israel experienced repeated estrangement from God, yet reconciliation remained possible. In Matthew 23, Jesus said, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.”

Is there a solution? Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” While our children are not our enemies, the principle of love and grace still applies.

Chances are you or someone you know has experienced estrangement. If so, these verses may offer guidance:

Romans 12:18: “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Psalm 109:4: “In return for my love they accuse me, but I give myself to prayer.”

Ken Staley is pastor of Faith Church of Pleasant Grove and Harrisville Methodist Church. Both are Global Methodist congregations. He can be reached at PastorKenStaley@gmail.com.