Death by Chocolate? Not Quite — But the Candy Landscape Is Changing

Once upon a time, it seemed like a great way to go. Dozens of establishments around the country agree with the sentiment enough to have deemed it a suitable name for a dessert.

The reality is, it’s less than likely among ways to check out, what with doctors measuring things like blood sugar these days.

Death of chocolate? That seems far more insidious. Maybe even improbable. But not impossible.

It’s real. At least it is if the heir’s mountain of Halloween candy has anything to do with it.

With trick-or-treating practically becoming an Olympic sport, rare is the youngster these days who doesn’t embark on multiple candy quests in late October. Kids in my son’s class could have navigated several neighborhoods apiece over up to four nights of traversing neighborhoods in search of the ultimate sugary treat, whatever that might be to them.

That said, and each kid packing a pillowcase to accommodate the booty from their candy maraudering, you’d think they’d all be diving into mountains of chocolate.

And they were. Sort of.

There was some chocolate, just not a mountain.

But it seemed like most of them weren’t all that interested in the chocolate — at least not when it was time to add to their collections. The colorful, the sour and the fruity seemed to consistently win the way.

This, of course, is all based on non-scientific evidence. It’s eyewitness stuff, though, inasmuch as I witnessed it.

Sitting outside a house in Montville Twp., I watched as kid after costumed kid made their way up the driveway faced with the choice of dipping into a bowl of chocolatey goodness and one filled with some more colorful things. Most of them passed on the good bars — and the Goodbars — and grabbed something that looked festive, regardless of what it might taste like.

Judging by the heir’s haul, chocolate is still a big seller. Reese’s Pieces is king, according to more scientific studies, one of which pegged the amount of candy bought by Americans for Halloween at more than 600 million pounds, totaling $3.9 billion in sales.

Reese’s, in fact, is No. 1 all time, according to Thrillist.com, whose top 10 among 30 ranked all are chocolate.

Foodandwine.com still lists eight chocolates near the top, but Sour Patch Kids and Haribo Goldbears — does anyone seriously like those? — have cracked the top 10.

A USA Today article pegged Sour Patch Kids as tops among Texans and Twizzlers as Michiganders’ favorite. Non-chocolates were the favorite in no fewer than 10 states.

Turns out some people do like Haribo — Hawaiians, to be exact.

Alaskans, meanwhile, prefer Hi-Chew (gesundheit!), with Lifesavers, Now and Laters and Candy Corn making inroads against the chocolate dynasty.

Going back to the 600 million pounds for $3.9 billion (insert government shutdown/SNAP take here, if ya have one) for a minute — kids are not responsible for much of that nearly $4 billion. In fact, almost none.

In the now 12 Halloweens I have had a kid, he has yet to be consulted about what candy to buy to pass out. Our outgoing bucket has always been a wonderland of chocolate.

We buy early, when the first sales start — Halloween candy sales pop up just about the time Easter candy is running out — and I then spend a couple of months liberating miniature Nestlé Crunch and Hershey’s Krackel bars from the rest of the loot.

I am not bound and determined to have a death by chocolate. I am certainly not, though, going to have one by Nerds Gummy Clusters.

Unless I start finding them in grape. In that case, I’ll be dying doing what I love.

Somebody help.