Orrville couple faces dementia journey with strength, openness and community support

Orrville natives Don and Vicki Dreher have been sweethearts since they were teenagers.

Through 60 years of marriage including children, careers and a lifelong passion for their community, the couple is now facing a new challenge many will face as they age: Don is in the beginning stages of dementia.

Vicki Dreher first noticed signs that Don was struggling with some aspect of dementia about 10 years ago. The early signs were subtle, but they were there.

“Don would start a task and just couldn’t finish it," Vicki Dreher said. "It was unlike him because he had been a meticulous person who worked on construction projects, both professionally and as a volunteer. At first, I attributed some of this to hearing issues, but as things progressed, I realized that the problem was more than just not hearing.”

Vicki Dreher has determined this journey was not something to be ashamed of, nor was it something they should journey through alone. Living in Orrville, where everyone knows Don, it seemed to make more sense to Vicki to tell others what was happening to Don so the community could act in a loving way to reach out to him and also help keep him safe.

Vicki Dreher said the hardest part for her and Don is that often people don’t know what to do or what to say.

“Don has always been and still is a happy guy," she said. "He loves and enjoys being around people. He was Citizen of the Year in Orrville due to his sense of volunteerism and his love for Orrville. He is known for always attending Orrville sporting events. Even with how well-known and loved he is, sometimes people stay away and keep their distance because they don’t know what to say or what to do to help. That’s why I asked for his niece to help me set up a way that would help me explain how others can help.”

Vicki Dreher is referring to a website called www.giveinkind.com.

People often want to bring meals, but this website allows family and friends to do more. The site is a way for people who care about Don and Vicki to set up a time where they can take him to McDonald’s or to a sporting event. It provides an opportunity for a friend to sit and talk with Don while Vicki has some much-needed downtime from being a caregiver.

“Don is happiest when he is visiting with people," Vicki Dreher said. "Having someone come to the house and visit with him while I slip out is good for him and good for me as well.”

Vicki Dreher also has learned a great deal about the financial aspects of home health care, memory care and the challenges couples face as they stare down these decisions. One help to her has been the Alzheimer’s Support Group in Orrville. The group was started by Margaret Sander, also of Orrville, whose husband Dr. Larry Sander also had Alzheimer’s.

The support group is a way for caregivers, family members and friends to talk to one another as a resource, a support and a place to vent frustration at times. It meets on the first Wednesday of the month at 1 p.m. in the library at Trinity United Methodist Church, 1556 Rex Drive, Orrville. New members are always welcome.

“Sometimes it’s about someone listening, but it’s also about finding out answers you didn’t even know you had a question about," Vicki Dreher said.

For learning more about Alzheimer’s and dementia, Margaret Sander said, “The website of the Alzheimer’s Association (www.alz.org) is helpful for learning more. I also follow a group on Facebook, Alzheimer's and Dementia Caregivers Support, that has given me ideas and support. Many have found that reading and gaining knowledge about what you are facing is a bonus. Your local library has many books that one could read to gain more insight.”