Epic holiday showdown looms between Kristin and her mischief-making cat

Those of you who have been following along will not be surprised to find another report of “cats gone wild” coming from this camp. For anyone who is new to this page, here’s a quick catch-up: My 13-year-old cat Moses is rapidly devolving into a bewhiskered, orange demon to my wife.

To the cat’s credit, he’s always had it in for Kristin. Tomcats love to mess with creatures that seem vulnerable. Precious little mice, baby bunnies, kind-hearted dogs with big slobbery muzzles, all of these things are apt to fall victim to the self-appointed King of the Beasts.

In Moses’ eyes Kristin falls nicely in line with things that deserve to be abused and oppressed. Two of Kristin’s own characteristics have actually elevated her above all other victims in Moses’ endless game of cat and mouse.

First, she reacts dramatically to every single one of the cat’s transgressions. Moses absolutely delights in dashing away in a hail of spray-bottle mist as Kristin screams and trains her only weapon of defense in his direction. And secondly, she never fails to return to the very same routine that made her an easy target in the first place. (I mean how many times would a normal person leave the same water-filled cup of paint brushes in the same spot on the same table just waiting for a hooked paw to pull it over on its side?)

I uncovered an interesting nuance of the pair’s strained relationship just the other day.

One of Moses’ favorite go-to tricks for focusing Kristin’s ire is jumping up on the piano that sits right around the corner from the artist’s workspace. If he hears her on the phone or notices she is intently focused on a project, he will walk the length of the keyboard, beginning with a few high and delicate notes that grow louder and more menacing as he travels down the scale. The tune literally seems to have been composed with the specific intent of driving a woman insane.

Kristin’s response is innate and reflexive. She grabs her spray bottle, reaches around the corner and fires. The cat races off, ears pinned to his shoulders and tail stretched backward like the shaft of an arrow. Moments later he’ll return, repeating the process until Kristin ultimately follows him out of the room to his food bowl, where, in an example fit for any psychology text, she completes the cycle of classical conditioning: Cat plays piano. Sound of piano triggers woman to feed cat. My cat has trained my wife.

With the holiday season now upon us, the stakes of this man versus beast (or should I say woman versus kitty cat) struggle have been raised considerably. Kristin spends a truly inordinate amount of time decorating for Christmas, and every bell or bauble, every tinsel or trapping, and each and every bough of holly has now become a part of the game. The stage has been set. I can’t wait to watch the battle unfold.

Kristin and John Lorson would love to hear from you. Write Drawing Laughter, P.O. Box 170, Fredericksburg, OH 44627, or email John at jlorson@alonovus.com.