On his biggest day: An open letter to the groundhog

Dear darling Mr. Groundhog

Living off in meadow yon,

I wonder if you’ve noticed

That our winter has grown long.

Your sleep has been a lengthy one.

I trust you rested well.

I just can’t wait to see your face.

I hope you’re feeling swell.

It’s obvious, dear Groundhog,

That I think the world of you.

As varmints go, you ought to know

You’re “top rat” through and through.

Sure you have your wayward side,

Dig holes and chomp our hay.

But I’m willing to forgive your sins

In thanks for one good day.

I’ve noticed on my calendar

Your holiday draws near.

I thought that I might offer

Some advice to calm your fear.

Your shadow’s just a trick of light.

Don’t let its sight deceive you.

It’s been your buddy all along.

Now doesn’t that relieve you?

So when you make your debut

If you see the morning sun,

Don’t hasten back into your hole.

Think twice before you run.

Think first of this, dear Groundhog:

I HAVE HAD IT WITH THE COLD!

And YOU can end my winter,

Should you choose to be so bold.

Then think of this, dear Groundhog:

Though I’ve labored to entreat you,

If you sentence me to six more weeks,

I will STALK and KILL and EAT YOU!

So do well by your countrymen

And do right by your name.

Send this winter packing, back up north

From whence it came.

And I’ll promise not to target you

Or harm your kith and kin.

But chicken-out, I’ll hunt you down.

My patience has worn thin!

Kristin and John Lorson would love to hear from you. Write Drawing Laughter, P.O. Box 170, Fredericksburg, OH 44627, or email John atjlorson@alonovus.com.